HOPE For Us – President’s Column
Submitted by Jeff Walberg
Each year the Board seeks to engage the congregation in a set of “open questions” to help us collectively discern and illuminate emerging issues that are challenging to describe, let alone to address. Last year we held two separate sessions to ponder questions regarding our shifting needs since the pandemic and how we’re dealing with political extremism, respectively, with a particular focus in each discussion on how our facilities might become a more significant and creative resource.
The open questions were presented to small groups of 5-6 members, who gathered during social hour for short discussions led by volunteer facilitators. The conversations proved to be engaging and productive, but we didn’t have a good process for sustaining the energy and dialogue that we started. This year we’re trying something a little more ambitious so that the conversations might go deeper, involve more interconnections, and evolve over a longer period of time.
After the service on October 13, we’ll engage in a 60-90 minute discussion with three coaches from HOPE For Us Conflict Engagement Team. From this conversation, we will determine whether there is collective interest in pursuing a deeper relationship with HOPE For Us.
The following introduction to HOPE For Us was written by Jes Hunt, one of the coaches who will meet with us on October 13:
HOPE for Us provides personalized support to congregations whether they’re in the midst of conflict, healing from past tensions, or dealing with congregational patterns that play out even when we are not in conflict. By reflecting on where your congregation is and where it’s headed, we help you align with your mission and vision. We offer guidance and partnership to help identify underlying challenges and work toward creating a healthy, sustainable beloved community.
Jes Hunt, HOPE for us coach
Our team brings fresh perspectives and decades of experience to help leadership reflect on their practices and engage in thoughtful, open conversations. We focus on fostering deeper relationships and emotional and spiritual growth within your community. Our goal is not to fix problems for you but to journey alongside you as you build resilience, vitality, and a culture where differences are embraced and managed constructively.
By facilitating dialogue and encouraging self-awareness, we help you ensure that the congregation’s actions and decisions align with its core values. This partnership strengthens your community and keeps you focused on what truly matters. Together, we guide you through a process of proactive reflection and collaboration, so your congregation not only handles challenges but thrives beyond them.
As Jes alludes to, we may be in an ideal position to gain value from their services. Because we’re not in a period of intense conflict, as is often typical of congregations they work with, we’re hopeful that we could focus more on forward-looking ways to grow in our capacities for radical inclusivity, embrace of our diverse theologies, and service to our community and the world through a deeper connection to our mission and vision.
One intriguing aspect of working with HOPE For Us is that we don’t have to define up front exactly what our work with them might focus on. Instead, we would engage in a deep discernment process to identify where they might be most helpful, and only then would they begin to develop strategies and tools to assist us. The informational session on October 13 is simply a very first step on a potential journey in which we would move at the “speed of trust.”
From my point of view, the Board and Rev. Diana have benefited greatly from a series of similar coaching relationships over the past 18 months. These included a retreat led by UUA regional consultant Sharon Dittmar; three meetings with UU transformation and justice facilitator Julica Hermann de la Fuente; and ongoing support from Rev. Sam Wilson, a HOPE For Us coach who also specializes in restorative practices through her private consulting work.
What I’ve been reminded of through their teaching is that it’s impossible for groups to productively tackle challenging projects together without a capacity for engaging in conflict productively. In other words, the goal isn’t for everyone to get along pleasantly all the time, but for everyone to feel a sense of trust and safety so that they can engage honestly in difficult conversations where the stakes are high, viewpoints differ, and there are no easy answers.
Mistrust is the enemy of productive conflict–it is insidious and hard to avoid. We live anxious times, where mistrust is stoked by the media, social platforms, political leaders, and often even family members. And mistrust is, in many ways, baked into our DNA as UUs, where many of us are here because of our inherent mistrust of religion, religious leaders, and ways of belief or thought that differ from our own. Even in groups with strong affinity, mistrust can emerge whenever we feel a sense of not being in control.
An important key to building trust, ironically, is to be willing to be vulnerable and real with one another, which invites others to do the same. But in order to cultivate a space where people are willing to risk vulnerability, it’s important to first create a safe container where everyone feels free to be heard without judgment or reprisal. That’s where the expertise and care of coaches like those from HOPE For Us can be invaluable.
Once deep trust is established and conflict is simply a normal part of the creative process rather than something to fear and avoid, groups can begin to engage in more productive generative practices. That’s where the magic lies, because it’s in this generative mode that groups can truly grapple with difficult challenges and tap into a type of wisdom that’s not available to us as individuals. When group members can trust that they’ll each stay engaged and in relationship, regardless of how strongly they might disagree on any particular issue, they become more than the sum of their parts and capable of visionary work.
You may have experienced moments of this kind of group experience, whether at UUS or elsewhere. I certainly have, and it’s why I so eagerly agreed to serve as president and look forward to other similar roles when I’m done. And our regional UUA staff believe in the value of this type of process enough that they’ve already committed grant funding to support us, should we choose to pursue further work.
I don’t know what the October 13 conversation will be like, or what will emerge from it. But I’ve already gained a lot just from two Zoom calls with the HOPE For Us leaders, who I’ve found to be extraordinarily dedicated to helping us and other UU congregations move towards the type of beloved community we yearn for.
I’m excited to be at their informational session on October 13 in a spirit of curiosity and exploration, and I hope you will join me. If you’re curious to learn more about HOPE For Us in advance, you can reference their “HOPE For Us At A Glance” document.
In community,
Jeff Walberg, President of the Board of Trustees
